By: Ryan Fisher

Michael Bay now has his filthy little mits on my Ninja Turtles. Words can’t do justice to the horrific amount of violation I feel. Imagine being “taken advantage of ” by a room filled with burly men wielding crow bars and you might get close. A Michael Bay directed Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles movie fills me with as much promise as a Hitler led sermon. Sadly it will be at least a year before I can even hope for a preview of this atrocity, meaning I’m left with nothing but the horrific images my brain will conjure up to torment me. My best guess… I will be committed in under 6 months.

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